So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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