Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize