She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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