All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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