Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
