69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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