bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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