I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
