Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
