just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
