21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize