i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
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Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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