I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
