she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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