i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
