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Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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