Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
