i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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