I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
