Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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