So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
