yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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