porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
