He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
only you would photoshop your dick
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
