is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
