I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
