you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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