I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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