Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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