I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
