I wish I could punch you in the face.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
