Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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