I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
