If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
