There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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