I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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