My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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