I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize