Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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