im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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