i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
