it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
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Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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