it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
