This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
