garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
