Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
