Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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