dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
