Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
love makes seman taste better
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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