During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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