just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
