I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
