i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
