just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
