Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
