and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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