i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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