i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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