god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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