Will you blow on my dice?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
