Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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