I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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