You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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