After last night, I could never be a politician.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
